Everybody’s Free (To Raise a Tamagotchi)
A contemporary update of Baz Luhrmann’s 1999 Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen)
Ladies, Gentlemen, and Genderqueer Friends of the Class of 2019:
Get down with the Beatnik philosophy of The Beat Generation
Give Eurodance a fair chance before you dismiss it
Throw out your Soundcloud trash
And discover Hendrix, Dylan, Cobain & Marley
Kishore Kumar, Udit Narayan, Lata & Asha
Don’t fall for the organized industry of religion
If there is a God, its the same one they talk of in
Ayodhya, Jerusalem and Mecca
And if you’re gonna be religious
Triangulate parables from the Gita, Bible, and Qur’an
Buy a fondue set — gouda cheese highly recommended
Boycott companies profiting off of suffering
Watch old cult films
Rediscover old music videos from the 80's and 90's
Do one random act of kindness a day
Have dreams that are big enough to scare you
Repeat to death the histories of
Apartheid South Africa, Native genocide, the Holocaust and colonized India
Just Say “No” to Drugs
And Reagan politics
Look into the eyes of the person with whom you are speaking
Notice the superficiality and meaninglessness of Instagram
Recognize the infinite types of love there are, not just the “romantic” kind
Drop your shitty friends
Picture yourself on your deathbed
To test if you’ll be proud of your current decisions on it
Hop on a cloud and unsafely eject your USB flash drive
Be civil
Only if civility brings you justice (it won’t)
At all other times, bring them hell
Vote your conscience
Or write-in your own hero of resistance
Live your conscience, too
Don’t buy into modern society’s (aka “the grid”) allure of
Prestige, money, and material things
Feel free to be nostalgic about Disney movies
While still being critical of their toxic message to young girls
Lose your human supremacy
And view animals equal (but preferably) superior to us
Be minimalist
The planet is dying at the cost of selfish consumption
Get off your phone and step outside
You’re making the mountains and trees jealous
Don’t have high expectations of people and
Do not find your happiness within them
Most will greatly disappoint you
Make yourself your own greatest friend and
Stan your damn self
Take fewer glances in the mirror
And one less selfie a day
Eat vitamins everyday, the gummy ones if it makes it easier
Be grateful for what you have
Get angry if others haven’t been afforded the same
Keep your space clean and wash your hands often
Live spontaneously — stop anticipating what’s to come
You hardly have any control over it, anyway
Know that your life’s greatest accomplishments will be
Nothing you find on your resume
Get a dog
They will be a better friend to you than most humans ever will
Keep a journal and record your deepest thoughts
Divorce your Republican husbands
Primary your centrist representatives
Actually listen to people when they speak to you
Don’t just wait until you get the next chance to
Ditch ultra-processed foods and trans fats
Stop looking at the weighing scale
It can’t capture the size of your spirit
Keep up with the Progressive Freshman Squad, not the Kardashians
Fellas: ixnay the ‘men can’t show emotions’ rule
Its in human nature to
Ladies: ignore that sexist noise telling you to get married
Get married whenever you’re ready
Or, not at all
Ditto for having kids
Raise a Tamagotchi instead
If your one from the 90's still works
(Much more carbon efficient)
Learn to play an instrument
Keep a list of all the things you’re looking forward to
Try Vegemite, its really not that bad
Don’t be so afraid of spiders (its rude)
Send inspirational messages to your friends
And tune out the haters who shit on that positive vibe
Dedicate your life to service
Question conventional wisdom and authority
Everything from money to tech to property to government to monogamy
But probably don’t question sunscreen
Definitely keep wearing the sunscreen
