Everybody’s Free (To Raise a Tamagotchi)

A contemporary update of Baz Luhrmann’s 1999 Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen)

Ladies, Gentlemen, and Genderqueer Friends of the Class of 2019:

Get down with the Beatnik philosophy of The Beat Generation

Give Eurodance a fair chance before you dismiss it

Throw out your Soundcloud trash

And discover Hendrix, Dylan, Cobain & Marley

Kishore Kumar, Udit Narayan, Lata & Asha

Don’t fall for the organized industry of religion

If there is a God, its the same one they talk of in

Ayodhya, Jerusalem and Mecca

And if you’re gonna be religious

Triangulate parables from the Gita, Bible, and Qur’an

Buy a fondue set — gouda cheese highly recommended

Boycott companies profiting off of suffering

Watch old cult films

Rediscover old music videos from the 80's and 90's

Do one random act of kindness a day

Have dreams that are big enough to scare you

Repeat to death the histories of

Apartheid South Africa, Native genocide, the Holocaust and colonized India

Just Say “No” to Drugs

And Reagan politics

Look into the eyes of the person with whom you are speaking

Notice the superficiality and meaninglessness of Instagram

Recognize the infinite types of love there are, not just the “romantic” kind

Drop your shitty friends

Picture yourself on your deathbed

To test if you’ll be proud of your current decisions on it

Hop on a cloud and unsafely eject your USB flash drive

Be civil

Only if civility brings you justice (it won’t)

At all other times, bring them hell

Vote your conscience

Or write-in your own hero of resistance

Live your conscience, too

Don’t buy into modern society’s (aka “the grid”) allure of

Prestige, money, and material things

Feel free to be nostalgic about Disney movies

While still being critical of their toxic message to young girls

Lose your human supremacy

And view animals equal (but preferably) superior to us

Be minimalist

The planet is dying at the cost of selfish consumption

Get off your phone and step outside

You’re making the mountains and trees jealous

Don’t have high expectations of people and

Do not find your happiness within them

Most will greatly disappoint you

Make yourself your own greatest friend and

Stan your damn self

Take fewer glances in the mirror

And one less selfie a day

Eat vitamins everyday, the gummy ones if it makes it easier

Be grateful for what you have

Get angry if others haven’t been afforded the same

Keep your space clean and wash your hands often

Live spontaneously — stop anticipating what’s to come

You hardly have any control over it, anyway

Know that your life’s greatest accomplishments will be

Nothing you find on your resume

Get a dog

They will be a better friend to you than most humans ever will

Keep a journal and record your deepest thoughts

Divorce your Republican husbands

Primary your centrist representatives

Actually listen to people when they speak to you

Don’t just wait until you get the next chance to

Ditch ultra-processed foods and trans fats

Stop looking at the weighing scale

It can’t capture the size of your spirit

Keep up with the Progressive Freshman Squad, not the Kardashians

Fellas: ixnay the ‘men can’t show emotions’ rule

Its in human nature to

Ladies: ignore that sexist noise telling you to get married

Get married whenever you’re ready

Or, not at all

Ditto for having kids

Raise a Tamagotchi instead

If your one from the 90's still works

(Much more carbon efficient)

Learn to play an instrument

Keep a list of all the things you’re looking forward to

Try Vegemite, its really not that bad

Don’t be so afraid of spiders (its rude)

Send inspirational messages to your friends

And tune out the haters who shit on that positive vibe

Dedicate your life to service

Question conventional wisdom and authority

Everything from money to tech to property to government to monogamy

But probably don’t question sunscreen

Definitely keep wearing the sunscreen

hey young world, the world is yours

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